Balancing Self Care Before It Becomes Self Obsession

"Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you." – Anne Lamott

Self-care used to be about balance and wellness; now it is commonly confused with excess. Between "healing eras" and "soft-life aesthetics," we've gotten self-caring mixed up with self-indulging. True self-care has less to do with bubble baths and everything to do with boundaries, introspection, and accountability. It has to do with doing what you need to do, not necessarily what you desire.

To really practice it, begin with introspection. Introspection allows you to stop and ask yourself, "What am I feeling and why?" Retrospection allows you to look back and see how past patterns connect to current feelings. The Johari Window keeps you mindful that there's a great deal you don't know about yourself; sometimes the harsh realities you don't want to face are the ones that heal you.

The issue starts when self-care is used as a means of selfishness. "Cut off everyone who disturbs your peace" is exciting language until everybody does it and all of a sudden nobody speaks to anybody. Healthy boundaries involve understanding where care stops and ego takes over. Real peace isn't achieved by shoving everybody away; real peace results from learning how to live with others without losing yourself.

When defending your peace becomes withdrawal or isolation from life, it's time to get help. A mental health professional can assist you in looking and seeing whether your healing process is indeed healing or concealing. Therapy is not for the broken; it's for those who are bold enough to look inside.

Balanced self-care enhances the way you live, work, and love. For me, it stops emotional burnout and forms relationships based on empathy, not need. At work, it optimizes your productivity, concentration, and emotional IQ. A rested mind functions better.

Neglect self-care long enough and the symptoms appear: burnout masquerading as ambition, resentment masquerading as loyalty, exhaustion pretending to be strength. You find yourself running on empty, giving from an empty cup, wondering why even happiness is a drudgery.

The secret is moderation. Take breaks, but don't check out. Love yourself, but not by sacrificing empathy. Nurture your mind, but remain engaged in the world. As Audre Lorde put it, "Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation." And in a culture that sometimes makes exhaustion fancy, that could be the most subversive thing to do.

Written by

Fadil Musthafa

Co-Founder and Consultant Psychologist, Ushaar.com